REMOTE CONTROL: How Ham Radio Saved My Sanity, My Mortgage, and Possibly My Parole
by someone operating remotely, obviously
In the golden age of amateur radio, operators wore slacks, smoked a pipe, and warmed up their rigs like carburetors. They sat at dedicated desks with maps, keyers, and cats perched on warm linear amplifiers. But those days are over. Today’s savvy ham is barefoot, beachside, and possibly operating from a janitor’s closet in a Latvian train station.
Welcome to the world of remote operation, where distance means nothing, latency is a feature, and you can work a pileup from a hospital gurney or a regional jail (minimum security, of course—prisons with Ethernet get priority).
🎧 WHAT IS REMOTE OPERATION?
Simply put, remote ham operation allows you to control your station from anywhere—your phone, your tablet, or even your neighbor’s unlocked smart fridge.
You key the mic in Arizona, but the RF radiates gloriously from your station in Maine. You call CQ from Tokyo, and your voice blasts out of a 20-meter beam in Tennessee. You check into the Alabama Day Net while you’re physically climbing Mount Kilimanjaro (or more realistically, just hiding from your HOA in an RV at a Cracker Barrel).
📡 THE MANY, MANY ADVANTAGES OF REMOTE OPERATION
Let’s be honest: it’s ham radio, but more convenient and slightly less legal depending on your ISP. Here’s why remote operating is the greatest thing since variable capacitors:
✅ You Can Have a Station Without Owning Real Estate
Want a full tower setup but your landlord says, “Not on my watch, Sparky”? No problem. Lease a remote station from someone in Nebraska with cows, corn, and no zoning laws. You operate. They mow.
✅ You Can Be on Six Nets at Once and Still “Run Errands”
“Sorry honey, can’t help with groceries—I’m net control for Slovenia this week.”
You can log into your rig from a tablet in the waiting room, a laptop at your dentist, or a smartwatch while walking your emotional support ferret.
✅ You Can Maintain Call Signs in Multiple States for “Tax Purposes”
Is that an Icom IC-7610 on the Georgia property? Or is that one in Montana? Who knows. Who cares.
The IRS doesn’t audit hams because they can’t understand the logs.
✅ You Can Operate from a Secure, Undisclosed Location (Like a Bunker or Chili’s)
We spoke with W7TUN, a retired dentist and convicted fortune cookie fraudster who operates exclusively from a Denny’s Wi-Fi hotspot in Nevada:
“They said I couldn’t work DXCC from a men’s room. They were wrong. I use a VPN, two remotes, and the hand-dryer outlet. I’m #1 on the DX ladder and #12 on the No-Fly List.”
✅ You Can Pretend to Be in the Middle of Nowhere While Sitting on a Rooftop Pool Deck
“Working portable” means something very different when you’re poolside in Vegas controlling a station in North Dakota. Just make sure no one hears your frozen daiquiri sloshing into the mic.
🗣 QUOTES FROM LEGENDARY REMOTE OPERATORS
We gathered exclusive quotes from trusted, certified, or otherwise incarcerated remote ops:
“I worked 200 countries last week, and I haven’t left the food court in years.”
—Ed “Echo Delta” Flanagan, W3FOOD, currently serving 4 to 6 for repeater hijacking
“Remote operation saved my marriage. My wife hasn’t seen me in 6 months and she’s thrilled.”
—Dale “The Shadow,” K6VPN, location unknown, possibly in your attic
“They took my license but not my spirit. I now operate legally via a Ukrainian club callsign I found on Craigslist.”
—Viktor “The Bounce,” KE0ZQY / ex-UB5DR, lifetime ban in progress
🎮 RIDICULOUS FEATURES YOU NEVER KNEW YOU NEEDED
- Voice-Activated Tuner Sweeps: Say “Zzzzzzap” to initiate autotune. Say “Owwww” to stop.
- Auto-Relog When the Cat Steps on the Keyboard
- Squelch AI™: Filters out unwanted QRM, your spouse’s voice, and background banjo.
- RF-to-Crypto Converter: Mine coins every time you say “roger-roger.”
⚠️ DOWNSIDES (IF YOU’RE INTO REALITY)
None. Absolutely none.
Except maybe:
- Accidentally booting up your amplifier at full power while your neighbor’s kids are swimming.
- Confusing your CW paddle with your garage door opener.
- Being banned from all local nets for showing up at once in three states.
- Involuntarily jamming NOAA weather radio while reheating lasagna.
But minor stuff, really.
🧑💻 HOW TO SET UP YOUR REMOTE STATION (IN THEORY)
- Rig Interface: Connect your transceiver to a remote control interface.
- Power Control: Install a web-enabled AC switch, or teach your dog to flip the breaker.
- Audio Setup: USB mic, digital sound card, and the mental strength to resist playing banjo solos on-air.
- Security: Use a VPN, SSH tunnel, or the honor system. What could go wrong?
🛰 INTERNATIONAL ESCAPADES
Did you know one operator in Florida ran a pirate station in Greenland for 11 months before anyone noticed?
Or that a retired train conductor in Quebec was regularly heard working portable from the Galápagos thanks to a Raspberry Pi taped to a palm tree and relayed via the ISS?
Then there’s the guy from Missouri who got 5BDXCC while technically incarcerated, using nothing but a smuggled iPad, a prison electrician’s Wi-Fi login, and a phone patch routed through a bowling alley.
📉 FINAL THOUGHTS FROM THE FIELD
Remote operation is here, it’s everywhere, and it’s probably already logging you in. Resistance is futile. Band conditions are better when you’re 800 miles away from your noise floor, and nobody has to know you’re operating in fuzzy slippers while your rotator lives on a glacier.
So whether you’re working CW from a ski lift, whispering into FT8 from the back of a ride-share, or calling CQ with one hand while flipping pancakes with the other…
Just remember:
“If you can’t get to the mountain, log into the mountain’s SDR and borrow the peak.”
—NN4Y, remote from a lawn chair somewhere in Alabama
