TELL ME A STORY: The Secret Weapon of Liars, Leaders, and Legendary Hams
by NN4Y (National Narrator for Your amusement)
If you want to make friends, sell an idea, get elected, win a liars’ contest, or confuse a whole net, there’s only one thing you truly need:
A story.
Not a fact. Not a chart. Not a glossy PowerPoint with diagonal swooshes and clip-art lightning bolts.
A story.
And if you tell it right? You can convince the world of anything—like the time N6LOL claimed he contacted Sputnik using a harmonica and some damp coax.
THE POWER OF STORYTELLING: FROM THE STUMP TO THE SHACK
Historians agree: storytelling is humanity’s oldest profession, narrowly beating out cave dentistry and mammoth wrangling. Storytelling has launched nations, won wars, and most recently, helped a local ham beat six politicians and a convicted magician at the annual Liar’s Contest and BBQ Cook-Off in Foghorn Springs, Alabama.
But more on that in a minute.
First, consider these master storytellers:
🔥RICHARD NIXON – “I am not a storyteller.”
Which, as it turns out, was the most effective story of all. Nixon understood the suspense genre: build tension, erase tapes, deny everything, retire to California.
He mastered the slow-burn narrative arc.
Also had excellent mic technique—until the final scene.
🥼NANCY PELOSI – “The story of America is still being written, and I intend to write every last footnote in Helvetica Bold.”
Pelosi told tales with hand gestures and blazer color codes. Legend says if you watched three of her speeches backward, it played out like The Godfather.
💁♀️KAMALA HARRIS – “So… this thing happened… which is to say… I was there. And then the story… had already happened. But still… we must… continue… storytelling.”
Modern storytelling is postlinear, vibrational, and very confusing. Kamala’s version of storytelling is a bit like jazz: it’s not the points she makes, but the ones she leaves out that define the shape of the narrative.
🧀CHUCK SCHUMER & ADAM SCHIFF – “We both tell stories. Schiff tells ghost stories. Chuck tells bedtime horror stories about the budget ceiling.”
Together, they have spun more yarn than the entire Vermont scarf industry. Critics say Schiff’s stories are overly dramatic, but fans appreciate the surprise endings, particularly when facts emerge later.
👩💼HILLARY CLINTON – “Every woman has a story. Mine involves emails, pantsuits, and fainting artfully at fundraisers.”
She once told a story so compelling, her email server stopped listening halfway through.
📡AND THEN CAME DANNY, KM6WTF
They say his call sign looked suspicious, even for the 6th District. Issued under the FCC’s Diversity & Inclusion Initiative for Call Sign Equity, his license ended in “WTF”—coincidentally, also the club name he ran out of a converted tanning salon in Bakersfield.
KM6WTF claimed he contacted a lost Soviet satellite using a cast-iron frying pan and a Pringles can. The story had it all:
- A side of beef
- A rogue CB operator named “Toothless Dan”
- A lightning strike that somehow translated morse code into polka
He came in third.
🏆THE HAM WHO TOLD THE TRUTH
The winner was Pete “No-Foolin’” Richardson, a crusty old Extra from two counties over who walked up, took the mic, and told a true story:
“I was stranded offshore with a blown generator, a 12V car battery, and a radio from 1978. Called CQ on 20m and a guy in Utah patched me through to the Coast Guard, my wife, and a hardware store that still sold fuses.”
Silence.
Then the tent exploded in applause.
One judge, red-faced and crying, muttered, “I ain’t clapped like that since WWV came back online.”
📚BOGUS QUOTES FROM BOGUS BOOKS ON STORYTELLING
“A story is like a sandwich: if you skip the middle, it’s just toast.”
—Thaddeus Wiggle, The Art of Explaining Too Much Too Soon
“Storytelling is 20% truth, 40% voice inflection, and 80% eyebrows.”
—Dr. Linoleum P. Baxter, Hamfist: How to Tell Stories With Your Hands Full
“Every time you interrupt someone’s story, a repeater goes off-frequency.”
—Marge Shakleton, Zen and the Art of Listening While Thinking About Lunch
“People don’t remember what you said. They remember how bored they were when you said it.”
—Carl Flap, The TEDx Guide to Being Forgotten
“Good storytelling is just lying with pacing.”
—Unknown (possibly NØCIA)
🧠NN4Y: LEGEND OF THE LOOPHOLE
Then there’s NN4Y, a notorious southern ham with a gift for telling stories that:
- Sound too real to be fake
- Are too ridiculous to be true
- And somehow… are both.
Some say NN4Y once told a story so vivid, it caused a YL to cry, a logger to print sideways, and three HF rigs to reset to factory defaults.
“I don’t make things up,” NN4Y once claimed. “I just report them before they’ve happened.”
He’s authored over six fake books, including:
- Transmissions from the Heart: Love Letters in Baud
- I Fought the HOA and the HOA Won
- Grounding for Glory: The Story of a Man and His Rod
- 500kHz and Other Frequencies That Ignore You
- Say It With Squelch
- The Joy of Missing the Net
🧊STUPID FACTS ABOUT STORYTELLING
- The average TED talk contains 3.4 stories, 0.6 facts, and one overly sincere pause.
- 72% of PowerPoint presentations claim to “tell a story.” Most tell a hostage situation.
- The original ham radio storytellers used smoke signals until QRZ wouldn’t recognize them.
- The phrase “long story short” adds an average of 6 minutes to any conversation.
- Most “true” stories begin with, “I probably shouldn’t say this, but…”
📻THE FINAL WORD (BEFORE THE NET TIMES OUT)
Storytelling, in all its forms—from stump speech to solder-scarred shack tale—is still the most powerful thing you can do with your mouth while holding a microphone.
Whether you’re a politician selling hope, a ham selling a busted rig, or just a net control trying to stay awake until 73, remember this:
A well-told story can win you friends, respect, and sometimes a pulled pork sandwich with a ribbon.
Now go forth. Tell your tale. Embellish freely. End with a punchline. And if all else fails…
Blame the tuner.
